My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.

I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.

Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.

You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.

When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some guy who was doing my page and he would say that he was my cousin and I was going to be doing projects with him. I don't know who this person is and I don't have a cousin by this name and this person keeps saying that they're doing projects with me. It's so weird.