You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.

If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.

A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.

I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.