Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets.

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.

In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.