I never set out to do a sketch show.

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

Once I started to look i finally began to see.

To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!"

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.