I never set out to do a sketch show.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.