One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.

I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.

The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.

There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.