One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.

The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.

For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.