One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'

They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.

I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.

I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.