I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.

REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.