I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri MartinSomeday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.
Demetri MartinI think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.
Demetri MartinWhen watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin