People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.

A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.

A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.

I bought a clock, but the big hand broke off of it... so I just added "ish" to every number.

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.