People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.

Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.

We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.