Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.

Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.