Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.

Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.

To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.