Jumping jacks are easier to do than crawling jacks.

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.

Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.

Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.

Clowns have no respect for pie.