I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.
Demetri MartinIf I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri MartinThere are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.
Demetri Martin