I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose." "Scissors cuts paper." "These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together." "Paper covers rock." "Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks." There should be "Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors."

There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.

When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.

Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.

It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.