When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.

I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.

Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.

Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

The definition of adventure depends upon how boring your life is.

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.