I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.

I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.

I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.

Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.

To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!"

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.

Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.