I don't feel an obligation to give everyone a hard time, but when they're important people, it's fun.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

I don't really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke.

When you do see me, you'll get the idea from when you see me that it's all off the top of my head. A lot of it is a beginning, middle and the end. But it's different every night. I have a lot of jokes in my back pocket I've said over the years.

I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew even­tually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys.

So many young people think the big sex act is the whole movie, but that's not the case. You need to be able to talk and laugh and cry together.

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.