The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.