A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.