Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.