People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.