If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.

I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.