If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.