Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.