One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.