One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.