You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.