Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.