You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.