I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.