Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.