I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.