I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.