Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.