Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.