Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.