Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.