Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.