The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.