The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.