Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.