I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.
Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.
I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.