If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.