People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.