People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.

Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.