Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.