I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of.

If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.