Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.