Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.

Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.