We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.