Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.

The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.