I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.