I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.