When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.