When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.