Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.