Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.