Comedy is rarely funny.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.