The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.