I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.