I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.