I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.

I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.