I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.