Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.